Family...Many Times Underrated

One thing I have come to realize as I reach my one year mark of being a nurse is...how often family is underrated and taken for granted.  I had a patient one night who was literally on death's door.  She was on palliative and hospice care.  She was on a morphine drip and the nurses, doctors and she knew it wasn't going to be much longer. She did what any person with that revelation would do...she called her children and asked them to come see her.
Her children, adults of course, a lady and a man came to see their mom.  Now all I can do is imagine how I would act and feel in this situation, because thankfully this is one experience I have not had to experience.  But I never would imagine I or the rest of my siblings would act the way these two adults did.
The first thing they did when the arrived was ask their mom "Have you gotten your will updated recently?"!!!!  UH...WHAT...DID I JUST HEAR THEM RIGHT!  Their mom is actively dying and the first thing they say is that...what in the world...Some people.  I just rolled my eyes and went about my business.
However, it became clear rather quickly that the only reason they were there was to make sure they were going to get what they wanted out of the will and they were fighting with each other, in front of their mother and everyone else who was in the general vicinity. 
I could see how this was affecting the mother, as a lone tear rolled down her cheek.  She too couldn't believe what she was seeing and hearing.  By this time, the argument was becoming physical as shoves and hits were being thrown.  I quickly made a decision and stepped forward and told them they needed to leave the room.  They then had the audacity to turn around and glare at me and say "Our mother is dying and we are not going to leave her and miss any of her last moments."   !!!!!  REALLY!!!!  YOU REALLY THINK I'M GONNA LET THAT FLY!!!!  I sternly looked at them and told them all they were doing was upsetting their mother and I was not going to have that when she had such little time left.  I kicked them out and made them go wait in the waiting room.  The sad part is...you could hear them arguing the whole way as they walked down the hall.  
I squeezed my patient's hand but didn't really know what to say that would make it all better...I mean how do you make that better...?  She just shook her head and closed her eyes really tight as if she could make it all go away. 
She managed to hang on for another few shifts and the arguments between the siblings continued.  The night the patient passed...her children didn't even stay to say goodbye...they just left and as they were walking out the door I heard, "You are going to be hearing from my lawyer."
It saddened me a lot to know that her children had missed the last few days with their mom.  Sure they were physically there, but when it should have been about her...it became about them and when it should have been a time of love, it became a time of war.  I personally cannot imagine any material object being worth that much to me that I would willingly throw away the last precious moments I had with any of my family members. 
The lesson of the importance of family is one that I have learned and witnessed over and over again in the last year...and I'm extremely sorry that those two adults missed seeing that for some unimportant material object.

Congrats Grad!!! Oh Wait It's been a Year

As I attended a friend's nursing pinning ceremony today, I realized how different the world looks from this side.  A year ago I was scared of: starting a new job (where it was a great possibility I could/and probably would kill someone), getting out on my own (for real, even more secluded from family, who could fix my problems for me), and just in general the different ways I knew I would grow (because we all know to grow you have to have those terrible things called "growing pains" and lessons learned that usually end up hurting).  It was scary...of course being me, the person who needs to be strong and not show any weakness, I tried to hide it and I'm sure that my big super ego and big head came out in those days.

Now that a year is here, I have different fears.  In the last couple of months I have been considering and examining whether I have settled in my job.  Did I take the job because it was one of the first ones offered, the benefits are amazing and the other perks such as tuition payment for grad school are pretty good also?  While these are all deciding factors and good deciding factors in accepting a job, did I forget the most important factor?  Do I like my job? 

I see this examination in a lot of my coworkers as well.  We are all wondering if we made the right choice.  A few have decided not, and have left and went to other departments or hospitals.  Those of us left…seem to judge every bad event that happens on our shift as a sign that we made a mistake and that we were pretty stupid and naïve.  However, maybe this isn’t the way we should be answering the question…did I settle?  Am I really happy here and now?

We probably should be considering every good event that happens.  Patients who thank us for our care, family members who are comforted, differences that we made in the short time we have been here and then of course the differences in ourselves. 

When I look at this question and these answers I realize that while I may have settled in the beginning in order to have a job to gain experience, now I can honestly say I like my job.  Sure there are things that I do not like and nights where I just want to quit and forget it all…but unfortunately that will be anywhere I work.  Do I think this job will be for me forever, I would have to honestly say…uh no…I THINK NOT!  But for now…the good outweighs the bad…so for now… I am not a settler.  And this year has been quite an experience that I will never forget.

If I was going to pass on advice to the new grads I would say…enjoy it…sure it’s overwhelming at first and it is scary but it is so worth it.  Don’t let the bad get to you enough that you can’t see the difference you make in your patients and families lives.  Don’t let the fear overcome the fun and good times of life. 

“And every tear that had to fall from my eyes, Every day I wondered how I’d get through the night, Every change, life has thrown me, I’m thankful, for every break in my heart, I’m grateful, for every scar, Some pages turned, some bridges burned.  But there were lessons learned.” –Lessons Learned, Carrie Underwood-