Boy Crazy

I love it when I have entertaining, funny patients.  It makes the 12 hours go by so much faster and besides it gives me fun stories to share.  I’ve had my share of funny patients, but this one was unique.  In fact, she was downright hilarious. 

She was here for routine surgery.  Everything went great, and she was recovering well.  She was one of those rare patients that did everything we asked (her exercises, using her incentive spirometer, ambulating, and eating well).  But boy did she have a mouth on her.  She was lived in the mountain and had that simple back-woodsy thing going for her (which I loved about her).

Every time I tried to get out of her room to see my other patients, I was drawn back in by something she would say.  She would ask crazy questions or make random off the wall comments about anything.  As if that was not enough, she was boy crazy like a high school girl instead of a lady in her 70’s.  Uh-huh, no joke.  It was bad.  For example:

“Have you seen that physical therapist? Gawd, he is fine?” “What about that guy that brought up my bedside commode? Did you see his blue eyes? OMG they were the bluest eyes ever!” “Oh I gotta watch my show, that Jim guy is on and he is just beautiful.”

One time I made the mistake of asking her what she thought about a certain doctor.

“Oh my gawd, that Dr. McSexy, he is just gorgeous. He can place his hands on me anytime he wants.  Do you think he’s married? If not then I will gladly change that in a heartbeat!”

Yes, that is what I dealt with for three nights in a row.  Her roommate, poor soul, was forced into being her new best friend and talking boy talk while they recovered. On my last morning, I walked into her room with the day nurse.  I introduced the nurse and told her to have a good day.  As I started to say goodbye, she held out her arms for a hug.  I walked up, reached across her for an awkward hug and she kissed me right on the neck! She was so thankful for my care.  I appreciated her gratitude very much.  I can say I haven’t received too many hugs from patients, but this one goes right to the top.  Best funkiest patient ever.